Fucking God!
What are you doing?
There's no one here.
Aah... Oh, God.
Oh, Jesus... Oh...
Oh, Christ.
Oh, God.
Look, sir! I've got to go.
The bed is too big for the room.
I don't know what to call you.
I don't have a name.
- Do you want to know mine? - No, no! I don't.
I don't want to know your name.
You don't have a name and I don't have a name either. Not one name.
You're crazy!
Maybe I am, but I don't want to know anything about you.
I don't wanna know where you live or where you come from.
I wanna know nothing.
- You scare me. - Nothing.
You and I are gonna meet here...
...without knowing anything that goes on outside here.
OK?
But why?
Because...
Because we don't need names here.
Don't you see?
We're gonna forget...
...everything that we knew. Every...
All the people... all that we do... wherever we live.
We're going to forget that, everything, everything.
But I can't.
Can you?
I don't know.
Are you scared?
No.
Come.
Nobody believes in the fucking God here!
The priest doesn't want any suicides.
The Church doesn't want any suicides, do they?
Now...
Let's... Let's just look at each other.
It's beautiful without knowing anything.
Maybe...
Maybe we can come without touching.
Come without touching?
OK.
- Are you concentrating? - Mm-hm.
- Did you come yet? - No.
- It's difficult! - I didn't either yet.
You're not trying hard enough.
I shall have to invent a name for you.
A name? Oh, Jesus Christ!
Oh, God, I've been called by a million names all my life.
I don't want a name. I'm better off with a grunt or a groan for a name.
Do you wanna hear my name?
- It's so masculine. - Yeah.
Listen to mine.
I didn't get the last name.
What a steaming pile of horseshit.
All uniforms are bullshit.
Everything outside this place is bullshit.
Besides, I don't want to hear about your stories,
about your past, and all that.
Or '68 or '28 or '98.
Why don't you stop talking about things that don't matter here?
What the hell's the difference?
OK.
So what do I have to say? What do I have to do?
Come on the good ship...
♪ Lollipop
Why don't you go back in America?
I don't know.
Bad memories, I guess.
Of what?
Oh...
My father was a...
...a drunk.
Tough. Whore-fucker, bar-fighter. Super-masculine.
And he was tough.
My mother was very...
Very poetic.
And also a drunk.
And uh...
...one of my memories, when I was a kid...
...was of her being arrested nude.
We lived in this small town.
Farming community. We lived on a farm.
And I'd come home after school...
...and she'd be gone.
In jail... or something.
And uh...
I used to...
I used to have to milk a cow...
I remember uh...
...one time I was all dressed up...
...to go out and take this girl to a basketball game.
And I started to go out and my father said, "You have to milk the cow."
I said, "Would you please milk it for me?"
And he said, "No, get your ass out there."
So I went out and I was in a hurry and didn't have time to change my shoes.
And I had cow shit all over my shoes.
And on the way to the basketball game, it smelled in the car.
I don't know.
I... I can't remember very many good things.
Not one?
Yeah. Some.
There was a farmer, a very nice guy.
Old guy, very poor, and worked real hard.
I used to work in a ditch, draining land for farming.
And he wore overalls and he smoked a clay pipe.
Half the time he wouldn't put tobacco in it.
And I hated the work.
It was hot and dirty and...
...it broke my back.
And uh...
...all day long I'd watch his spit which would run down the pipe stem...
...and hang on the bowl of the pipe.
And I used to make bets with myself on when it was going to fall off.
And I always lost.
I never saw it fall off.
I'd just look around and it'd be gone and then the new one would be there.
And then we had a beautiful...
My mother...
My mother taught me to love nature.
And uh...
I guess that was the most she could do.
And, uh... we had...
In front of our house we had this big field... meadow.
It was a mustard field in the summer...
...and we had a big black dog named Dutchy.
She used to hunt for rabbits in that field...
...but she couldn't see them.
So she'd have to leap up in this mustard field and look around very quickly...
...to see where the rabbits were.
And it was...
...very beautiful.
And she never caught the rabbits.
You have been had!
Oh, really?
I don't wanna know anything about your past, baby!
You think I was telling you the truth?
Maybe.
I'm a Red Riding Hood and you're the wolf.
What strong arms you have!
The better to squeeze a fart out of you!
What long nails you have!
The better to scratch your ass with.
Oh, what a lot of fur you have!
The better to let your crabs hide in.
Ooh, what a long tongue you have!
The better to...
...to stick in your rear, my dear.
What's this for?
That's your happiness and my...
...my ha-penis.
Peanuts?
Schlong.
Wienerwurst.
Cazzo.
Bitte. Prick! Joint!
It's funny.
It's like playing grown-ups when you're little.
I feel like a child again here.
Did you have fun as a kid?
It's the most beautiful thing.
It's beautiful to be made into a tattletale...
...or forced to admire authority...
...or sell yourself for a piece of candy.
- I wasn't like that. - No?
I was writing poems.
I was drawing castles... big castles with tower.
A lot of tower.
- You never thought about sex? - No. No sex.
- "No. No sex." - Tower.
You were probably in love with your teacher.
- My teacher was a woman. - Then she was a lesbian.
- How did you know? - That's classical.
But anyway.
My first love was my cousin Paul.
No!
I'm gonna get a hemorrhoid if you keep telling me names.
No names. I don't mind if you tell the truth, but don't give me the names.
Sorry. Sorry.
Well, go on. Tell the truth.
What else?
I was 13. He was dark, very thin.
I can see him. Big nose! A big romance.
I fell in love with him when I heard him playing piano.
You mean when he first got into your knickers.
He was a child prodigy. He was playing with both hands.
I'll bet he was.
Probably getting his kicks.
We were dying of heat.
Oh, yeah. Good excuse. What else?
In the afternoon, when the grown-ups were napping...
- You started grabbing his joint. - You're crazy!
- Well, he touched you. - I never let him!
Oh!
Liar, liar, pants on fire, nose as long as a telephone wire.
No, I'm not.
Look me straight in the face and say, "He didn't touch me once."
- Huh? - He touched me, but the way he did it.
Aha! The way he did it.
OK, what did he do?
Behind the house, there were two trees.
A plane tree and a chestnut.
I sat under the plane tree and he sat under the chestnut.
And one, two, three... We each began to masturbate.
The first who came...
..won!
When did you first come? How old were you?
I can be by myself, too, you know!
OK. I'll make them shut up.
What's the matter, Mother? Are you upset? Don't be.
There's nothing to be upset about.
It takes so little to make them afraid.
I'll tell you what they're afraid of.
They're afraid of the dark. Imagine that!
- Come on, Mother. Meet my friends.
You should meet a few clients of the hotel.
Hey, folks. I'd like you to say hello to Mom.
Mom, this is Mr. Juicehead Junky here.
And uh...
Mr. Saxophone, he's uh... He's our connection, Mom.
He gives us some hard stuff once in a while.
And right here is the beautiful Miss Blowjob 1933.
She still makes a few points when she takes her teeth out.
Say hello, Mom! This is Mom!
Oh! You afraid of the dark, Mom?
She's afraid of the dark. Oh, poor thing.
All right, sweetheart. I'll take care of you.
I'll give you a little light.
Don't you worry.
What am I doing in this apartment with you?
Love?
Well...
Let's say we're just taking a flying...
...a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.
So you think I'm a wore.
I think you're a what? A what? A wore?
- A wore. - You mean whore.
Yes, a whore. Whore.
No, you're just a good old-fashioned girl... trying to get along.
I prefer to be a whore.
Why were you going through my pockets?
To find out who you are.
- To find out who you are. - Yes.
Well, if you look real close, you'll see me hiding behind my zipper.
Well, we know that he buys clothes in some big store.
That's not much.
But it's a beginning.
That's not a beginning, that's a finish.
Well, OK. Let's forget it.
- How old are you? - I'll be 93 this weekend.
- Oh, you don't look it! - Thank you.
- Have you been in college? - Oh, yeah.
Yeah. I went to uh...
...the University of Congo.
- Studied whale-fucking. - Wow!
Barbers don't usually go to university.
Are you telling me that I look like a barber?
No, but that's a razor's barber.
That's a barber's razor.
Barber's razors, yes.
Or a madman's.
So you want to cut me up?
No.
That would be like writing my name on your face.
Like they do to slaves?
Slaves are branded on the ass and I want you free.
Free?! I'm not free!
You want to know why...
...why you don't want to know anything about me?
- Because you hate women. - Oh, really?
What have they ever done to you?
Well... either they always pretend to know who I am...
...or they pretend I don't know who they are...
...and that's very boring.
I'm not afraid to say who I am.
I am 20 years old...
No! Jesus Christ!
Don't... Where is your brain?
State zitta.
Halt's Maul, Schweinehund. Shut up.
Get it?
I know it's tough but you're gonna have to bear it.
You know, these sinks are really beautiful.
They're very rare, you don't find them anymore.
I think it's these sinks that let you stay together.
Hm? Don't you think?
What's that? What's all this?
Huh? Mad? Mad?
Mad? Mad?
I think I'm happy with you.
Do it again!
Again!
Shall we leave together?
Bastard!
He's a git! Not even goodbye!
- Tom! - Jeanne!
Really, Marcello...
...I wonder what she ever saw in you.
There's butter in the kitchen.
So you're here?
- Why didn't you answer? - Go get the butter.
I have to hurry. I have a cab waiting.
Go get the butter.
It makes me crazy!
That you're so damned sure that I'm coming back here.
Can you hear it?
- It's hollow. - That's a hiding place.
- Don't open it! - Why not?
I don't know. Don't open it.
What about that? Can I open that?
Hm?
Wait a minute.
Maybe there's jewels in it.
Maybe there's gold.
- Are you afraid? - No.
No?
You're always afraid.
No, but... maybe there is some family secrets inside.
Family secrets?
I'll tell you about family secrets.
I'm gonna tell you about the family.
That holy institution...
...meant to breed virtue in savages.
I want you to repeat it after me.
No and no!
- No! - Repeat it.
Say, "Holy family."
Come on, say it.
Go on. Holy family.
Church of good citizens.
Church...
Ch...
- Good citizens. - Good citizens...
Say it. Say it!
The children are tortured until they tell their first lie.
The children...
..are tortured...
Where the will is broken...
...by repression.
Where the will... broken... repression.
Where freedom...
Free... Freedom!
...is assassinated.
Freedom is assassinated by egotism.
Family...
You...
You... You f...
You...
...fucking...
...fucking... family.
You fucking...
...family!
Oh, God... Jesus.
Oh, you...
Oh...
Hey, you!
Yes, you!
Huh?
I've got a surprise for you.
- What? - I've got a surprise for you!
That's good.
I like surprises.
What is it?
Music. But I don't know how to work it.
Do you enjoy that?
Forgive me!
I wanted to leave you and I couldn't.
I can't.
Bang!
♪ Oh, there once was a man
♪ And he had an old sow
♪ Ow!
♪ Ow! Hi-diddle-dow
- You're wet. - Uh-huh.
A rat.
Only a rat.
There are more rats in Paris than people.
Yum, yum, yum.
- I want to go! - Wait, wait!
Don't you want a bite first? You don't want to run and eat.
This is the end!
This is the end, but I like to start with the head. That's the best part.
Are you sure you won't have any?
OK.
Ugh!
- What's the matter? You don't dig rat? - I wanna go!
I can't make love in this bed any more. I can't.
It's disgusting! Nauseating!
Well, we'll fuck on the radiator...
...or standing on the mantel.
I gotta get some mayonnaise for this. It really is good with mayonnaise.
I'll save the asshole for you.
Rat's asshole with mayonnaise!
I forgot to tell you something.
I fell in love with somebody.
Oh, isn't that wonderful?
You know, you're going to have to get out of these wet duds.
I'm going to make love with him!
Well...
...first you have to take a hot bath.
Cos if you don't, you're gonna get pneumonia, right?
Huh?
And then you know what happens?
You get pneumonia, then you know what happens?
You die.
And then, you know what happens when you die?
I get to fuck the dead rat.
I'm in love.
You're in love? How delightful.
I'm in love!
I'm in love, you understand?
I'm in love, I'm in love! Oh!
I'm in love!
Ooh!
You know, you're old!
- You're getting fat. - Fat, is it? How unkind.
Half of your hair is out...
...and the other half is almost white.
In ten years, you'll be playing soccer with your tits.
What do you think of that? You know what I'm gonna be doing?
You will be on a... wheelchair!
Well, maybe.
But, you know...
...I'll be smirking and giggling all the way to eternity.
How poetic.
But please, before you go, wash my feet.
OK.
Noblesse oblige.
You know, he and I, we make love.
Oh, really? That's wonderful.
- Is he a good fucker? - Magnificent.
You know, you're a jerk.
'Cause the best fucking you're gonna get is right here in this apartment.
Stand up.
He is full of mysteries.
Give me the soap.
Listen, you dumb dodo.
All the mysteries that you're ever gonna know in life are right here.
He is like everybody but... at the same time he's different.
You mean, like everybody.
- Yeah, but... even he fright me. - Huh?
Even he frightens me.
What is he, your local pimp?
He could be. He looks it.
You know why I'm in love with him?
I can't wait.
Because he know. He know how to make me fall in love with him.
You want this man you love to protect and take care of you.
Yeah.
You want this golden, shining, powerful warrior...
...to build a fortress where you can hide in.
So you don't have to ever... have...
You don't ever have to be afraid.
You don't have to feel lonely or empty.
- That's what you want, isn't it? - Yes.
- Well, you'll never find it. - But I find this man.
Then it won't be long until he'll want you to build a fortress for him...
...out of your tits and your cunt and your hair...
...and your smile and the way you smell.
And... and some place where he can feel comfortable and secure enough...
...so that he can worship in front of the altar of his own prick.
- But I find this man! - No, you're alone.
You're all alone.
You won't be free of that feeling of being alone...
...until you look death right in the face.
I mean, that sounds like bullshit...
...some romantic crap...
...until you go right up into the ass of death.
Right up in his ass... till you find the womb of fear.
And then... maybe...
Maybe then, you'll be able to find him.
But I find this man.
He's you! You are that man!
Get me the scissors.
- What? - Get me the fingernail scissors.
No. I want you to cut...
...the fingernails on your right hand, these two.
That's it.
I want you to put your fingers up my ass.
Put your fingers up my ass, are you deaf?
Go on.
I'm gonna get a pig...
...and I'm... I'm gonna have the pig fuck you.
I want the pig to vomit in your face...
...and I want you to swallow the vomit.
Are you gonna do that for me?
- Yeah. - Huh?
Yeah!
I want the pig to die while...
...while you're fucking him.
Then you'll have to go behind him.
I want you to smell the dying farts of the pig.
Are you gonna do all of that for me?
Yes, and more than that!
And worse!
And worse than before.
You look ridiculous in that makeup.
Like the caricature of a whore.
A little touch of Mommy in the night.
Fake Ophelia drowned in the bathtub.
I wish you could see yourself. You'd really laugh.
You're your mother's masterpiece.
Christ!
There are too many fucking flowers in this place. I can't breathe.
You know on the top of the closet?
The cardboard box, I found all your...
I found all your little goodies.
Pens, key chains...
..foreign money, French ticklers, the whole shot.
Even a clergyman's collar.
I didn't know you collected all those little knick-knacks left behind.
Even if the husband lives...
...200 fucking years...
...he's never going to be able to discover his wife's real nature.
I mean, I...
I might be able to comprehend the universe...
...but...
...I'll never discover the truth about you. Never.
I mean, who the hell were you?
Remember that day...
...the first day I was there?
I knew that I couldn't get into your pants unless I said...
Uh... What did I say?
Oh, yeah.
Uh... "May I have my bill, please? I have to leave."
Remember?
Last night...
...I ripped off the lights on your mother.
And the whole joint went bananas.
All your... guests...
...as you used to call them...
Well, I guess that includes me, doesn't it?
Huh?
It does include me, doesn't it?
For five years, I was more a guest in this fucking flophouse than a husband.
With privileges, of course.
And then, to help me understand you...
...you let me inherit Marcel.
The husband's double, whose room was the double of ours.
And you know what?
I didn't even have the guts to ask him.
Didn't have the guts to ask him if the same numbers you and I did...
...were the same numbers you did with him.
Our marriage was nothing more than a foxhole for you.
And all it took for you to get out was a 35-cent razor and a tub full of water.
You cheap, goddamn, fucking, godforsaken whore.
I hope you rot in hell.
You're worse than the dirtiest street pig anybody could find,
and you know why? You know why? Because you lied.
You lied to me and I trusted you. You lied.
You knew you were lying!
Go on, tell me you didn't lie.
Haven't you got anything to say about that?
You can think up something, can't you? Huh?
Go on, tell me something! Smile, you cunt!
Go on, tell me... tell me something sweet.
Smile at me and say I just misunderstood.
Go on, tell me.
You pig-fucker!
You goddamn, fucking, pig-fucking liar.
Rosa...
...I'm sorry...
I just can't...
I can't stand it...
...to see these goddamn things on your face.
You never wore makeup.
This fucking shit. I'm gonna take this off your mouth.
This lipstick...
Rosa... Oh, God!
I'm sorry.
I don't know why you did it.
I'd do it too, if I knew how.
I just don't know how.
I have to... I have to find a way.
What?
All right, I'm...
I'm coming.
I have to go.
I have to go, sweetheart, baby. Somebody's calling me.
Yeah. I'm coming.
Get the fuck out of here!
Faggot!
No!
It's me again.
It's over. It's over.
It's over, then it begins again.
What begins again? I don't understand anything anymore.
There's nothing to understand. We left the apartment.
Now we begin again with love and all the rest of it.
- The rest? - Yeah, listen.
I'm 45. I'm a widower.
I've got a little hotel, a kind of a dump.
But it's not completely a flophouse.
And uh... I used to live on my luck, and I got married.
My wife killed herself.
But you know, what the hell.
I'm... no prize.
I picked up a nail when I was in Cuba in 1948...
...and now I got a prostate like an Idaho potato.
But I'm still a good stick man, even if I can't have any children.
Let's see.
I don't have any stomping grounds. I don't have any friends.
I suppose if I hadn't met you...
...I'd probably settle for a hard chair and a hemorrhoid.
Anyway, to make a long, dull story even duller...
...I come from a time when a guy like me would drop into a joint like this...
...and pick up a young chick like you... and call her a bimbo.
I'm awfully sorry to intrude...
...but I was so struck with your beauty...
...that I thought I could offer you a glass of champagne.
Is this seat taken?
- No. - May I?
If you'd like to.
Garçon!
You know, the tango is a rite.
Do you understand "rite?"
And you must watch the legs of the dancers.
Oh, no!
You haven't drunk your champagne because it was warm.
And then I ordered you a Scotch and you haven't drunk your Scotch.
Come on. Just a sip for Daddy.
Now, if you love me, you'll drink all of it.
OK, I love you.
Bravo!
Tell me about your wife.
Let's talk about us.
OK.
But this place is so pitiful.
Yes, but I'm here, aren't I?
Monsieur Maître d'Hôtel.
That's rather nasty.
Anyway, you dummy, I love you.
And I want to live with you.
In your flophouse?
In my flophouse. What the hell does that mean?
What the hell difference does it make...
...if I have a flophouse or a hotel or a castle?
I love you. What the fuck does it matter?!
Give me some more whisky.
Oh, I thought you weren't drinking.
But I'm thirsty now and I want some more drink.
All right. I think that's a good idea.
Wait a minute.
Because you're really beautiful. Wait a minute.
I'm sorry.
I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to spill my drink.
Let's have a toast...
...to our life in the hotel.
No! Fuck all that! Come on.
Hey, listen.
Let's drink a toast to our life in the country. Huh?
You're a nature lover? You didn't tell me.
Oh, for Chr... I'm a nature boy.
Can't you see me with the cows and the chicken shit all over me?
- Oh, yeah. - Huh?
- To the house of the cows. - Cows.
I will be your cow, too.
And listen...
I get to milk you twice a day.
- How about that? - I hate the country.
- You hate the country? - I hate it!
I prefer to go to the hotel.
- Come on, let's go... - No. Let's dance.
Come on. Don't you wanna dance?
We can start again.
Kiss me, sweetheart!
Farewell, you sweet peach blossom.
I could dance forever. Oh, my hemorrhoid!
Beauty of mine, sit before me.
Let me peruse you and remember you always like this.
Garçon! Champagne!
If music be the food of love, play on.
What's the matter with you?
It's finished.
What's the matter with you?
- It's finished! - What's finished?
We're never going to see each other again. Never!
That's ridiculous.
- That's ridiculous! - It's not a joke.
- Oh, you dirty rat! - It's finished.
Look, when something's finished, it begins again.
I'm getting married!
I'm going away.
It's finished.
Oh, Jesus.
Listen, that's not a subway strap, that's me cock!
It's finished!
Uh-huh.
Jesus!
Wait a minute!
You dumb bimbo!
Shit! Wait a minute. Goddamn it!
Hey!
Hey, rube! Come here!
Come here!
I'm gonna get you!
Bimbo!
Stop! Stop!
Hold it!
Hey, cool it!
I can't win.
Give me a break!
Aha! I smell the henhouse.
Well, shit, I'm not in your way.
So long, sister. Besides, you're a crummy-looking broad.
I don't give a damn if I never see you again.
Shit.
Oh, fuck the police.
Listen, I want to talk to you.
Oh, man!
This is getting ridiculous.
It's the title shot, baby.
We're going all the way.
It's a little old...
...but full of memories, huh?
Mademoiselle...
How do you like your hero?
Over easy or sunny-side up?
You ran through Africa and Asia...
...and Indonesia.
And now I've found you.
And I love you.
I wanna know your name.
Jeanne.
Our children.
Our children...
...will remember.